A New Kind of Speedbump

The city of Philadelphia is experimenting with a new sort of speed bump.  The unique thing about this, however, is that their new “speed bumps” aren’t really bumps.  The city is putting three dimensional looking designs on certain parts of the road.  Drivers see these designs, think that they are about to slam into something and die, and then slow down.

This idea is fucking brilliant….in a sick way.  I mean, picture mommy driving her minivan full of toddlers, on her way to the market when all of the sudden OH MY FUCKING GOD WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE NO NO NO NOT MY CHILDREN FUCK YOU GOD FUCK YOU AHHHHHHHHH!!!!  And then nothing.  She drives, harmlessly, over the illusion.  The important thing, though, is that she slowed down.  Victory!

Not surprisingly, this technology was developed by the Japanese, who have a long history of finding ways to inflict pain, anguish, and horror upon the world.  The 3D designs are used all over Europe, but only three US cities (Phoenix, Peoria, and Philadelphia) are actually utilizing them.  Probably because all the other city mayors are afraid that, you know, these things might backfire.

I am especially interested on the effects these virtual speed humps have on drunk drivers.  In their drunken stupor, do they even see them?  And if they do….what happens.  I can only imagine the numbers of dead pedestrians that will ensue after Joe Drunkenfuck coming home from the bar sees one of these things.  Panicking, Joe thinks he’s about to crash into a bunch of massive, colorful triangle things and swerves to miss them.  His car jumps up onto the sidewalk and takes out a dozen or so people.  Or something like that.

At any rate, I am liking this new kind of psychological warfare that is being unleashed upon humanity.  This kind of thing only gets better.  Ask the CIA.

-Sanity, PhD
www.DoctorSanity.com
DoctorSanity@sockpuppetsfromhell.com